Last night I was listening to music. Yeah, okay, I was feeling sorry for myself and listening to music. I was having an eighth grade moment okay?
Don't judge me. I know you've done the same.
So I'm listening to Pearl Jam, thinking about throwing on my old "Ten" shirt, when I flip on a song I haven't really LISTENED to before. Like really listened.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. You are listening to it now, by the way. If you aren't enjoying it...well bite me.
Anywho, back to the ton of bricks. All my damn life I've been struggling to get over shit I never really chose to carry. My baggage has been lined up behind me like a freight train forever. And you know what? It's no one else's damn choice to keep it there. It's mine. I choose it. I choose not to drop it. I choose to hang on to it.
Cause it's easier than finding out who I am without it. And ain't that lazy? Lazy, and frankly, crappy. Not to mention cowardly.
I've been experimenting lately with just being myself. Not anybody made up, not somebody I think other people want to see. Me. Out there in your face. Like it or leave it. And you know what? People like it. So why don't I trust others and learn to like it myself?
Allright, I'm getting a little wound up and aggressive, but I'm sure some of you know what I mean, right? A few of you? Okay, maybe one other person?
I digress.
I woke up this morning with a new perspective on life. (all thanks to good old Eddie Vedder)
A new perspective and a tremendous zit, but mostly a new perspective.
I take myself faaaaar to fricking seriously.
I need to get waaaaaay over myself.
I need to moooooove along.
My whole adult life it's been "family issues, abandonment issues, depression, blah blah blah." The fact of the matter is I am the master of my thoughts and destiny, and I am making a choice right now: I'm dropping my damn baggage. Dropping it, kicking it down the stairs, and lighting it on fire for good measure.
I've carried it too long, and although it has served me well and done a fantastic job of hobbling me and keeping me from truly living and knowing anybody, it is gone. Enough is enough for god's sake. It's time to start living.
So I'm going to do a little less worrying, a little more laughing, and a whole lot more of loving myself. I'm gonna dance, shake my booty with my daughter, laugh at myself, breathe fresh air, run, laugh with my fabulous girlfriends, and put the past aside.
I am mine. (thank you Eddie)
