Homeschooling FAIL.

Before I had Lily, I had visions of what our day would be like. Trips to museums, parks, playdates and hours at the library. Learning with joy and through experience. I would be her teacher. I would have a steadfast and true shadow who would hunger for my wisdom.

Ha.

HaaahaaaahaaaaHAAAAAHAAAAA.

I have also thought I would homeschool, especially when we moved into a county with less than stellar schools.

She is nearing four and has never been apart from me for more than a day. Never been to daycare or preschool.

I have tried to teach her. Have bought books, sat down to write letters with her. But then life intrudes. It's 9 AM and the baby has been up all night. It's 4 PM and all I want is to watch Oprah and eat ice cream from the carton. It's noon, the house is quiet, I am feeling happy and so is she...but I want the peace to last so we just sit.

And then there have been times I HAVE sat with her to do letters and numbers. And within minutes I am bored. Yes, bored! I am antsy. I am annoyed. I can think of 80 things I need to be doing.

I am a hack.

I can't teach her. She pushes all of my buttons. She is not out and out defiant, but sassy and slow to respond. She dawdles and moans and groans. And I think about homeschooling and it just makes me so...tired.

So, we will be putting her in preschool. And once I made the decision and decided on a school I found that they only had a space in the 5 day a week class. School. Everyday. Three hours a day away from my girl.

Do you hear that? It's the sound of my heart breaking.

But as much as I am sad, I know it will be good for her. She is SOOOOOO over me. She follows her friends around with a kind of frantic neediness that I think would be helped immensely by school and peers. She and I spend a good part of the day discussing if we like KaiLan or Dora more.

Clearly, she needs an injection of intelligence.

But, oh how I will miss her.