I got on the scale today not anticipating a change, but there it was: a full 30 pounds lost.
30. It seems like so much. It is halfway to my goal of 60.
But it is just a number. It cannot compare to the lightness of my breath, the difference in my energy level and stamina, the way I can feel my heart settling into a steady beat as I push myself with weights.
It is in the way my body responds to all I am demanding of it- carrying babies, cooking, laundry, workouts. My body gives with flexibility and strength. It pushes beyond endurance into excellence when I ask it to- when I lift an extra 20 pounds, when I bump up my cardio.
It's as if all this time, my body and myself were separated, and now it is fusing.
In short, my outside reflects my inside now.
So today instead if going to the gym, I wanted to celebrate my small victory.
Days are gone when I would have eaten something decadent, or taken a nap.
Today I strapped my Sammy into his Beco carrier, grabbed the dog, and went for a long walk.
Sam is 31 lbs. Just a little over what I have lost. And as I carried him I felt every pound. It was there in the small ache of my feet, the burning in my thighs, and the cracking of my knees. It was a heavy, sweet reminder of what I have left behind.
And when I finished three miles and lifted him from my back, I felt like I could fly.
I have a feeling that there are many more moments like this to come, but today, walking in the cold breeze and warm sunshine with my boy chattering in my ear, life was very very sweet. And it's only going to get sweeter.
