Dear Joshua,
I know you see me smile. I know you see me laugh. You see us going on about our lives...planning vacations, shopping, cooking, playing. It may seem as if we have forgotten you.
We haven't. We will not.
Everywhere we go, you will be there. You will be in our hearts as your sister sees Cinderella's castle for the first time. You will be with us as we fly. You will be with us as we laugh with joy at the parades and characters.
You will be there, engraved on my soul. I will hold you and pray for you and think of you and what might have been.
I am not sad for you, baby boy. I am sad for us, who will never see your face or know your temperament. We who will never give you a time out or a goodnight kiss. I can only know you in my heart. I can only know you, soul to soul and not face to face. This is the worst of it- the wondering of who you would have been.
So we will take you with us. To Disneyworld. To the park. To the grocery store. To the world. We will carry you long after others have forgotten.
Be happy, be free, be joyful.
Someday....
Love,
Mama
