Before I became a mother, Mother's Day was not on my radar much. It had never been a day to celebrate, frankly, and I tended to try to ignore it or spend the day in tears amid bag and bags of chocolate.
Just 3 years ago, I spent Mother's Day crying in Mark's arms, wondering if we would ever be pregnant. I gave it all up to God that day, simply telling Him I couldn't bear the burden anymore.
I conceived Lily in June. :)
I've spent this morning going about my routine, folding laundry, cleaning a bit. It was like any other day until I was sitting on the floor with Lily, reading. The sunlight hit her hair and her face, her caramel colored eyes sparkling. She is just such a big girl now. She is taller, more graceful. She is kind. She is onery.
I can't tell you enough, in words strong enough or big enough of how my child saved me. She is my hero. She is the love of my life. I have NEVER loved anyone like I love her. She made me into something more than what I am. She made me a mother. I look at her, and I see proof the God loves me, believes in me, and has faith in me. She created me from the ruins I was. She raised me into motherhood.
I could tell you all day about how beautiful she is. I could go on and on about how cute her feet are, how she makes this face that just cracks me up. I could talk about her soft belly, her perfect ears, her turned up nose.
But it is her spirit that makes her truly beautiful. Her compassionte heart. Her nurturing kindness. She is the work of a loving God, and He has entrusted her to ME. To ME. I feel at once unworthy, and overwhelmed.
Mother's Day is wonderful. A day to recognize the women in our life who love us and care for us. A day to recognize Aunts who stepped in where mother's stepped away. A day to recognize mother in laws who raised our husbands to be good men. A day to recognize ourselves and how we love and give.
But this day is also, for me, a day to recognize my daughter, and how very much she means to me. How she makes me be a better person. How just by being alive and here in my arms, she saves me. How I can look at myself as a mother and truly love what I see. She makes me love myself.
My Lily made me believe in myself. She made me rise up and be the person I want to be. She gives me such devotion and love that I can only return it, tenfold. She is...everything. She is my world.
I have been graced and blessed to know some really amazing mothers. To all of you, Happy Mother's Day. I hope it is everything you wish it to be.
To my sweet Joshua,
Thank you for sending the bunny. We love you.
Someday....
Mama
