Prayer request....

Quite a while ago I ran across a blog I couldn't stop reading. The story is amazing- of a mother who was living with the uncertainty of the health of the baby she was carrying. She was told he was very sick, had a heart condition, and would surely die within days. At this point she was around 24 weeks along.

She is now full term, and set to deliver tomorrow. This is nothing short of a miracle. Her child is not only living, but thriving, in her womb. Although what will happen tomorrow after he is born is still a mystery to us on this earth, God know exactly what the future holds for this tiny little fighter.

Please pray, send good thoughts or good energy to this strong and courageous woman and the little miracle she is carrying.

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Thanks.

Welcome to my world...

So, here is a stream of conciousness review of my day....

wakeup ohgodamIstillhungover IbelieveIjustmightbe whereisthetylenol?
ohshitIhavenoidea causeIgaveittoLilyatsomepoint
ohjesusdoesithaveachildproofcap?
yesI'msureitdoes
thankGodbutwhyisitnotRIGHTHERE!?
myheadfeelslikeitisfullofsoakedmarshamallowswithteeth
Getupandpullclotheson deargodisthecoffeeready? thankgod andwehavecreamer it'sgonnabeagoodday f
eedlilydresslilyplaywithlilyturnonashowforlily
yeslilywhatwhatWHAT???
okayoffwego-didIeatanything?
noprobablynotbutit'snotlikeIneedanythingright
goodgodIcouldliveoffmyownfatcellsforyearsatthispoint okaycounterthenegativethoughtswithtwopostiveones
Ihavegoodhairandtoes

Outofthecarandintothestrollerandhihowareyou? saturdaynitewasablast!
pantpantpuffpuffwalkingwalkinglunginglunging didIturnoffthetoasterathome? upanddownandturninglunging
grabyourbandsandsingsing!
Nolilycomebackherelilylily
doyouhearmommytalking
ohforcryingoutloudamIevenspeakingenglish?
gabgabtalktalklaughlaugh lovethesegirlssoluckytohavethem
youwantahat? okaywhowantsoneI'llmakethemtoday

intothecarandhomeagainjiggityjig
yeslilyIknowyouarehungrysoamIbutitwillbejustafewminutes
hidaddycanyoumakeuslunchthankyou
yumyumnotwhatIwouldmakeandnotaveggieinsight
Idontreallycarethoughcausesheiseatingandhappy
intothebedyougolittleonegoodrestloveyou
okaysoobviouslyyoudontwantotnaptoday
yourbedisnowadisasterandyouarentsleeping
outofthebedwegoandintothelivingroomwithmommywhileshesews
nolilynolilyuhuhnonoNO
sighingandhuffingandpuffingandokayfineletsplay
andnowyouareignoringme
ofcourse

makethehats feelthefabric hearthemachine sosoothing
cupofcoffehappybabycooldaywarmtoes
makethepizza,kneadthedough,cuttheonionandthegarlic,pourthesauce
thehousefillswithscent
lilyandmarkplayandgiggle
Ismile
eatingandwatchinghergivinghermorecheese
andshesaysitsofunny chiiisss

bathtimeandcleanupcleanup
andintothecarwithdaddytothestore
andhereIsitwarmandfullwithmyhousequietandsoonitwillbe
niteyniteI'llmissyoulovie
byedaddy
intothecarhegoesfor3days
sniffsniffafewtearscauseImisshimsoalready
andintothecouchwithawarmblankieandtea
watchingnancygraceandthinkingofhimdrivingsolate
darknessandsittingwiththephonewaitingforhimtocall
hedoesandIsigh
intothebedtossandturnandthinkofhimandprayforhim
getupandcheckonlilywatchherforalittlewhile
strokehercheek
cuss,duckandcrawloutthedoorwhensheopenshereyes
offtobedforme
notreallysleepy
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

3 years ago today.....

I am not a big believer in marriage. Yes, I know. I AM married. Hence the pics. It's legal and everything. But no, I am not a big believer in it. I could give you a thousand reasons, none of which have to do with my husband, and everything to do with me. But I won't. They are tedious and, frankly, nobody's buisness. Suffice it to say had Mark not come along I would be the crazy cat lady on your block. Seriously.

I am, however, a believer in committment, in love, and in giving youself to another person. Even when it's hard. And comittment, love and laughter are something I have in spades.

The past three years have not been easy. They've been hard. But, if I could just bottle the joy and the laughter, the ease with which we have with one another, I would be a rich woman. The feeling I get when it's Mark, Lily and I and we are laughing and enjoying just being together. The feeling of sleeping next to my husband, knowing how good and strong he is. The feeling of being my crazy, goofy, moody and vulnerable self, and knowing he loves me despite it all.

He takes me, bad and good. He loves me no matter what. He is patient when I am not, and strong when I am weak. And he is giving, and has taught me humility, forgivenss, and the power of admitting when you are wrong.

So three years ago, we had been together a while. We knew what we were in for. We knew the deal. We got married anyway. :) And now here we are, with a beautiful daughter, and our life before us. I look forward to the next 30 years- to laughing until I pee myself, to fighting until we make up, to the good times and the bad times. To babies and birthday parties, budgets and bills.

I am looking forward to all of it, because he is by my side.

I love you, Mark. More than chocolate. More than music. More than my toe. Now and forever.

In the doghouse...

Something that should be punishable by a beating-

A husband comes home to his wife and toddler after two days of traveling. Upon arriving home the first thing he says is:

"Damn, I'm tired."

Ummm wha?

The wife gives a full half second to thinking if she should smack him or kill him. Instead she eats chocolate. If you see the size of her ass you will know that this particular husband often drives his wife to drown her sorrows with Mr. Hershey and Mrs. Godiva.


Ahh the joys of married life. Ain't it grand?

Too fast...

This time last year, this is how my little baby looked.

These were taken today.

If anyone has figured out how to make this madness stop, please let me know. I've tried not feeding her, but she whines too much, so that's not an option. I've tried talking to her seriously about how the growing breaks mommy's heart, but she is unrelenting. She just keeps getting bigger, sweeter, and cuter.

So, I am open to suggestions on how to freeze time here. How to break the time/space continuum, maybe? Shrinking powder, anything...to keep her just as she is a little longer.

All I heard when I was pregnant and had first had Lily was "Enjoy it, it goes too fast." I would smile and nod, but I never really understood it until now. Just yesterday she was a tiny little peanut, and now she is a big girl with her own ideas and wants.

So yeah, hook me up with the info on how to make this stop. Like right now.

10 ingredients for a perfect fall day

1. Waking up at 8:30 to a snuggly husband, a still sleeping baby, and a pot of coffee brewing in the kitchen.

2. Jogging in the crisp fall air and warm sunshine.

3. Having the perfect grilled cheese sandwich.

4. Singing loudly in the car, and glancing in the rearview to see Lily singing too, the same look of contentment and joy on her face.

5. Having the windows open all day, and enjoying the beautiful breeze on my skin.

6. A hot, sweet, cup of coffee in the early afternoon while watching my daughter play in the grass.

7. Playing in the park with Lily, realizing she is grown enough to slide, climb the stairs, and ask to swing. Shed a few really, really happy tears watching her.

8. Strap 22 pound toddler to my back in the Beco, carry her all over the park without huffing and puffing (including up the stairs, twice!) and realize that I am SO MUCH stronger than I give myself credit for.

9. Watching my baby girl rip into a chicken leg and devour it like a monkey on a cupcake- her appetite raging after playing in the park, running around the fabric store, and enjoying the sunshine.

10. Having a deep feeling of contentment and happiness, sitting in this warm house, with a sleeping baby in the other room, nancy grace on the tv, and a warm cup of tea in my hand.

He's out there, somewhere....

This post is going to sound so weird. I am hesitant even to write it down because I am afraid nobody will understand it, but here goes.

I'm not hiding the fact that I want another baby. That it is on my mind alot. That I feel like our family isn't complete yet. Anyone who knows me knows more kids are in my future.

What I do not say is the feeling I sometimes get, when it is just Mark, Lily and I....and I feel a frantic panic that somebody is missing. It is fleeting, and random, but it happens more often than I would like.

What I also do not say is that not only do I feel somebody is missing, but I feel this child's soul, waiting to be conceived and born. I feel him and dream of him often. I think of him daily. It is bizarre and strange, yes, but I am wondering if maybe some of the other mommies reading this feel this too.

I know I felt it with Lily. I wanted her so badly, and when we finally found we were pregnant, I was thrilled. I also felt her spirit so strongly in the months before she was born. All of the times I lay and put my hand over my belly I felt her speaking to me in her own way. When she was born her face was as familiar to me as my own. It was surreal. It was as if she had always existed with me, in my heart and soul...but now I got to hold her.

So is this how you know you are ready for another child? When your soul longs so deeply for this other person that it brings tears to your eyes? When it is deeper than an idea, deeper than a possibility- and more into the realm of a great sweeping need? I can't imagine feeling this feeling any stronger than right now. My heart hurts in a beautiful way, my throat is tight, my eyes filled with tears. It is such a pure, good, clean feeling that it takes my breath away.

I know this little one is waiting for the right time. I know God is holding him safe for me until our family, my body and his soul are ready. But until I feel him in my womb and know he is here, he is mine, and he is safe, I don't think I will ever shake this feeling of missing him and needing him.

Is that just crazy? Probably. But it is what it is, and I am learning that the more I say about what I feel, the more I find I am not alone in my feelings.