Oh my ears!

Okay, my child is officially a loudmouth. Like, seriously.

I have just tucked her in and Mark and I both have a raging headache. She has decided she likes her own voice.

Alot.

And she is going to use it.

Alot.

And therefore, because she is tone deaf like me, we will suffer. Tonight we were treated to a rousing round of "Ooooaaaaaaaagaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaagaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" all during dinner. Not to mention quite a few "Loook out beeeeeloooooooow"'s and one mind bending"DadadadadadadadadadaDADADADADADAdadada".

Oh and let's not forget the constant litany of "All done. All done. ALL DONE. ALLLLLL DONE. ALL DOOOOONEEEEEE!!!!!!". Yes, we can't forget that.

God help me. I think my ears might actually be bleeding.

I can confirm that this does come in quite handy when we lose daddy in the mall, or rather, when he tries to hide from us and pretend he doesn't know us. I just tell Lily to call for him, and she's off, yelling "Daaaadaaaa" at the top of her lungs until passerbys start begging me to make her stop, elderly women start throwing down their hearing aids and stomping on them, and newbornsbeing carried by in a 2 mile vicinity start to cry. Then security gets alerted and I ask them to please just take her. Take her and put her to work. Take her and make her sing to the shoplifters. Trust me, they won't do it again.

You know when there's a bad guy standoff inside a house and the swat team plays muzak or barry manilow at the windows until the guy breaks down and comes out? Yeah, Mark and I are kind of in that situation. But we can't walk out and go to prison, oh no. We are in this for the long haul, my friends. The looooooong haul.

Ah the joy of toddlers.... how sweet is it.

I need to add this...

If you read this post on Bring the Rain, you will understand what I am about to say.....

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/11/redeemed.html


Lord, I thank you for my pain. I thank you for my nightmares, my memories, and my flashbacks.

I thank you for giving me a mother that was not whole, because in doing so, you showed me what kind of mother I don't want to be.

Thank you for giving me such a selfish father.

Thank you for abandonment and hurt.

Thank you for disappoinment and unmet expecations.

Thank you for my losses.

Lord, thank you for hobbling me with the weighty yoke of a thousand haunting memories, then lifting it and bearing it with me.

Thank you, Lord, for pain. Thank you for strength.

I am thankful, even when it hurts. I am thankful, because I am your child, and I don't have to bear it alone.

I am thankful.

10 Things I am thankful for...

1. Warm robe, warm heat, warm home, and the smell of breakfast and coffee.

2. Enough money in my pocket to buy a turkey and all the fixings for a feast, but also remembering that there are some who are hungry today.

3. My baby girl, who every morning when I get her from her crib, grabs my face and says with true wonder- "Mama!!!"

4. My husband, who is my schmoopsie. And is healthy. Thank God.

5. Good friends that I can call at any time and be comforted, be laughed with, and be loved.

6. April, who calls and leaves me a message saying "I love and miss you and you are the best person I know." Likewise, my oldest and bestest ever. You are amazing.

7. Jody, Emily, Linda, Dixie, Amy, Rica, and all my other SS sisters who make me smile every day.

8. My in laws, who love Lily so much, and will spend a half hour on the phone with her listening to her babble.

9. My Aunt, who has stepped in and filled the shoes my mother never bothered to try on. I love you, and I am thankful for you. You have always been my mother. Always.

10. My health. The breath in my lungs, strong arms and legs, a vibrant mind, and a rosy disposition. Okay, maybe not rosy- but funny. Okay maybe not funny, but okay- a disposition.

And that is all. Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.

This is what heaven looks like...(to me anyway)

Four blankets down, fourteen to go. :)

10 observations/statements/whatevers

1. I say dude too much. This is very evident because my daughter spent 10 minutes trying to get my attention in the car to take off her shoes. I was ignoring her because she needs to leave them on. She was silent for a moment, and then yelled "DUDDEEEEEEEE" at the top of her voice.

2. I hate my husband's taste in music. Actually, it's not really music. It is basically thumping with a few words. Thump,thump, word. Thump, thump, word. Techno, he calls it. Noise, I call it.

3. Now that I see "The Wizard of Oz" as a mom with a toddler, it is pretty freaking creepy.

4. Today we were at the park and another child hurt Lily. It was the first time I had seen her feelings truly hurt, and I was amazed at the level of anger I experienced. "Mama Bear" syndrome is real, folks. Real and slightly scary.

5. I realize that everytime I sit down to sew, I spend the entire time smiling. Especially now that I am making blankets for the Yahweh center kids. It is joyous.

6. I have accepted that I can't knit. This is huge for me.

7. My husband is amazing. He gets on my nerves, yes, but he is amazing. He is good and postive and I love him a little too much to be healthy to tell you the truth. I can't help it. He's my schmoopsie.

8. Lily is brilliant. Today she said "lemonade". Clearly.

9. I feel like I am at a point physically where I am stronger than I have ever been. And I am okay with strong not= slim.

10. I am seriously considering becoming vegetarian. Since Mark is reading this and doesn't know that yet- Mark, I am considering becoming vegetarian. Don't worry, you don't have to do it with me. But it's something that's on my heart. We'll see. Don't panic.

And that is all.

B

Creating Christmas

I have had alot on my mind lately. Specifically about Christmas, and the meaning of it.

It is not even Thanksgiving, and we are bombarded by Christmas. We haven't even given thanks, and we are being told of all the must haves, the need nows, the perfect gifts.

I'm tired of it. I don't need anything. I don't want anything. And frankly, I am weary of the meaning of Christmas being more about the material and not the spiritual. It doesn't sit well with me. At all.

I read a post on the Mother Letter blog about creating Christmas. Making something, instead of buying something. Simplifying. Giving to the people who truly need, rather than those we love who need nothing. Turning outward.

So this year, I am asking that anyone who would normally give me a gift, to not. Instead I am asking for money to buy fabric, and I will make blankets for the kids at Yahweh center, a home for severely abused and neglected children here in Wilmington.

A friend of mine was telling me yesterday how she worked with these kids. How she would go to move them from a foster home and they would be carrying their things in garbage bags. I can imagine the terror, the sadness, the fatigue. These poor kids world has been ripped from them. They are alone.

I know this feeling intimately.

I was that kid.

The details aren't important. But I can still feel the heaviness of unshed tears, my heart like a closed fist in my chest as I watched my mother get smaller and smaller out the rear view. Everything I had known, even though it was nothing but blood and hurt and booze, was gone. I was scared and hurt and blinded by fear. I am sure these children feel much of the same thing.

Will a blanket solve all their problems? No. But will it give them something of their own. Something to keep them warm, something to carry with them from place to place. A material anchor in the chaos of their lives.

With every blanket I sew, I will pray for the child it is going to. I will pray for peace, for warmth, for laughter. I will pray that if they wake from a nightmare, the blanket will keep them warm and give them a bit of comfort. I will pray that God is with them.

What a beautiful idea...

So many times I think I am a bad mother. When Lily watches too much TV, when I am tired and lose patience, when all she eats for dinner is a chicken nugget and a lollipop.

At those times, encouragement would be a beautiful thing.

There is a wonderful husband who is creating just such a thing. A series of open letters from mothers to his wife. Letters about the joy of mothering. Letters about the sorrow, the pain. Letters about it all, good and bad.

The moment I saw this, I wanted to be a part of it. If you do too, check out the link and submit your own letter. It's an amazing thing this man is doing, and a beautiful testimony to not only the love between husband and wife, but of the importance of mothers.

http://motherletter.blogspot.com/2008/10/whats-story.html

Enjoy, my friends.

Love,
B