Monday, May 18, 2009

Today I just feel so blessed.

My life is just full. Filled with good friends who I can give to and take from without score keeping. A husband who is through and through good and godly. And a daughter whom I adore with all of my heart.

There used to be a time when I would wait for the other shoe to drop. You know what it's like, maybe- thinking things are too good and something has to happen to mess things up. But I feel like stepping out on God's love a bit more lately. I feel like opening my heart alot more. I feel like loving and being kind without wondering when I am going to get wounded.

It just doesn't matter if I get hurt, because I will. What matters is what I do afterwards. And what I am gonna do is praise God. I'm going to love Him. I'm going to lean into Him when I am scared of being vulnerable, and I am going to KNOW that earthly pain is just a blink.

I've spent alot of time being angry. Anger anger anger. Pissed off. That's done now too. I can't sustain that in the face of my blessings. No bitterness can hold up to the warmth of my daughter's smile. No anger can hold when I look at the big picture- my life, my love, my God.

I've had a few months of what I feel has been very little spiritual growth. I've felt stranded, to tell you the truth. I felt like I was reaching to God and He simply wasn't listening. I know now the reaching was growth in God. Sometimes there is a season of loneliness.

I have spent alot of time trying to be worthy of God, and hiding when I felt I wasn't. Then during a sermon I heard something I will never forget- "Stop trying to EARN God's love, and just receive it."

That's something huh? Gosh that's hard. It's easy to love, but it's so hard to receive it. To accept it. To be vulnerable and soft. To open up. To accept love. But I can't ever earn God's love. It is just given, freely. The only thing I have to say is yes and allow Him to love me.

So I challenge you. In this moment, just close your eyes for a second. Just allow His love to flow through you. Allow Him to be close, to love you. Accept Him. There's nothing on this earth that can separate you from God...except yourself.