Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Dear Lily,

I am struggling to explain the world to you right now. I am trying my best to show you life as it is, not sugar coated, not overly coddled. I want you to know that there is safety in our home. There is trust, there is love, and there is knowledge that you will never be hurt.

But the world is cruel sometimes, and already you are getting a taste of that. Yesterday at the park, a big boy pushed past you to get to the slide. You looked at me immediately with bewilderment. I smiled. You smiled back, tentatively, and went on your way. But at that moment, I felt my heart drop.

You didn't defend yourself. Instead, you looked to me. And maybe, at your age, that is appropriate. But it fills me with fear for the day that I may not be there when you look for me. I want you to stand up for yourself, to be strong. I want you to be a tough little girl who doesn't get bullied or pushed around.

But how can I teach you this without you losing your gentle and loving spirit? The spirit that causes you to tell everyone that you love them, to kiss and hug your friends over and over? Hoe can I teach you the balance between tough and tender?

I want you to view this world in a way that keeps you safe and sane. To make your way without stumbling. I want to protect you, but at the same time, I want you to fly on your own.

You have the dearest heart, my love. You are kind. You are so loving. You are so gentle. And you teach me, everyday, that life in the moment is what matters. You teach me that love saves. You teach me that family is everything.

So I cannot promise you the world will never be cruel to you. I cannot say you will never be pushed, or hurt. I can't tell you that sometimes you won't feel sad or troubled. Life is difficult.

But I can promise you one thing, baby girl. I will always be here. When you are sad, come to me. When the world has hurt you, let me comfort you. When nobody is on your side, I will be your cheerleader. When you are rejected, I will open my arms to you and show you shelter. I will cry with you, I will celebrate your victories. I will be the one who steps forward when nobody else does, or the one who steps back to let you shine.

I love you, and I love your good heart. I am proud you are beautiful, and proud you are smart. But I am most proud, my dear sweet love, that you are good and kind. I pray I can help you keep those qualities, even when the big boys of this world push you aside.