Sunday, September 25, 2011


I am not a big believer in marriage.

Really not.

I have seen very few good marriages modeled for me. I have seen very few long term healthy relationships.

I think many many people get married for the wrong reasons. For passion. For money. For love.

Yes, love.

I don't think love is a reason to get married.

Love is amazing. It feels so incredible to be loved and to love somebody. But marriage requires ten-fold more than love.

It requires tremendous patience, sacrifice, and time. It requires work. Dedication. And a commitment to see things through regardless of circumstance.

It is essential to marry somebody that you can parent beside. Somebody who you can stand next to in all situations. This is the person you will go through all of life's big events with- pregnancy, childbirth, parental death. This is the person you Will buy homes with, pay bills with, and sleep next to every night.

Love is great. Love is not enough reason to be married.

And I struggle with this daily.

I love my husband. But we don't parent the same way. We don't care about the same things.

But I have chosen to stand next to him for all time. I made a promise to God. I made a commitment to see it through.

And I will. There is no turning back for me.

And not because we are married. I am glad that we are. It was an outward ceremony for an inward choice.

A choice that had nothing to do with love or passion- and everything to do with choosing to promise to God to make a family and stand with that family for life.

Is it always happy? No.

Is it always easy. No.

But is it forever? Yes.

I have been rocked in the past week by the knowledge that a marriage close to me is ending. And it has caused me to feel by turns anxious, sad, and resigned. This is not a surprise to me. But it is difficult and makes me examine my relationship more closely.

I cannot say that I have it all figured out. I can't say that I do everything right in my relationship,or that I have any answers on how to make it last.

I can only say that the choice I made 6 years ago stands and will stand forever for me. I cannot be moved from the side of the man I chose, the man I feel God gave to me.

Even when it's difficult or challenging. Even when we are pulled apart by our lives. Even when marriages around us crumble.

He is still mine. I am still his.