Thursday, January 13, 2011


Dear Daddy,

You may never read this, and that's okay. But I know you know I love you. I have always loved you. The devotion I feel to you is a broken thing. It lies like sand in my hands. But it is tangible, and real. My love has never diminished. Never.

And so here it is, what I need to do. I forgive you, Daddy. It doesn't mean the lonely times you could have saved me from didn't exist. It doesn't make it right, and it doesn't change the wounds. But it means that I will no longer spend any time trying to figure out how to make you see how wrong you were, or to punish you by my silence.

I will simpy love you until I do not draw breath. And after that, when I walk in the golden kingdom, I will see your face. And all of the troubles and feelings that lie between us and keep us apart will no longer exist. We will be in a place where all of those things get washed away.

I will run to you. I will wrap my arms around you, lay my head on your chest, and allow myself to need you. I will weep with joy at your face, your beloved face. I will be your little girl, and all of the things that keep me from being that now will be gone.

There will be peace between us now. It begins with me. I am making peace right now with knowing you will never be what I need. I am surrendering to loving you how you need, without being loved that way in return. I surrender to the hurt in my heart, the heaviness, and the pain. But I no longer will give bitterness sanctuary. I will no longer harbor anger.

In the end, Daddy, this is what I can give you. My love, without my disappointment. My forgiveness without bitterness. I will simply let you be who you are, and love you around the parts that hurt.

I accept all of you. All of your flaws. I love all of you. I forgive your shortcomings. And I ask you to forgive me my silence, and for the years I wasted in anger.

I don't know why we were chosen for each other. We have never met each other's needs. But I do know that this love I have for you is real, and I want us to make the best of whatever time God gives us.