Monday, July 20, 2009

I have alot on my heart today. The words, however, are stilted, lost behind sadness. I am struggling to say what I need to say and not offend, so I will just say it.

Nobody should make anybody who has lost a pregnancy feel as if that loss is small because it was "early". Nobody. If you can't say something comforting, say NOTHING.

You may have not been through it yourself. Let me enlighten you. If you are trying for a child, that child is loved before conception. Loved, treasured and cherished. It is real. It is a baby. It is your blood. Losing it at ANY POINT is losing a child. Not a pregnancy, not a fetus, not some random grouping of cells. It is a CHILD. One that will never sit at the table. One that will never go to school, or have time out, or be held. One that will always be missing. A broken bond. An unhealed wound.

Mothers, good mothers, are born to it. They love fiercely. They guard and they protect. The nurture and discipline. The body and soul gear up during pregnancy for all of this. When the baby passes, the feelings DO NOT. It hurts. It is painful and prolonged. It takes time to heal. Maybe healing isn't even a good word for it. It takes time to recover. It's an injury.

And even when you think you are done, you are not. The world rolls on, you go about your life. But the space in your arms is always empty. The space at the table will never be filled. Tears come readily.

And until you breach the gates of heaven you will not be complete.

Anyone on this earth who ever dares minimize that is an inconsiderate fool.

If you are offended, maybe you deserve to be.