Wednesday, July 8, 2009


When I was pregnant with Lily, I worried endlessly. Every bump in the road became a huge obstacle. Every complication became a cause for tears and days of wallowing.

And complications I had, in spades. Gestational diabetes, Pregnancy induced hypertension, growth restriction, carpal tunnel, and on and on. My body basically threw up it's hands in defeat and surrendered to my little invader.

But oh that moment. You know the moment, if you are a mother. When I first looked at her, and I just thought- "My God- I know you. I have known you all of my life."

That moment made it all worth it.

And this time around, it's already beginning. Blood pressure troubles are creeping in. Lying on the table today while the doctor went over my options for BP control, and ordered tests and more tests, I felt it all come back again. The panic rose up in me, the anger and frustration with my body.

Then he scanned me, and the precious profile of my little gummy bear came up on the screen. He/she was moving, waving it's little nubs. The heart was beating. The legs kicked out and in, out and in.

And in that split second, I went from frustration and panic to praising God. I smiled. I laughed. I touched the screen and said out loud "Thank you, Jesus." The doctor patted my hand gently and smiled at me.

It was a moment I won't ever forget. With God, my mind and heart can shift instantly to joy. He alone can give me comfort when there is none to be had from human means.

I don't know what this pregnancy holds. I don't know that I will hold this baby. I don't know if I will remain healthy. I have hope, absolutely. I have trust. But the greatest of all that I have is faith.

Nothing that comes is beyond God's reach.