Monday, July 27, 2009

Say it

Today I got an e-mail for my best friend of nearly 18 years. (18???!!! wow!!!) It was tucked between a weekly pregnancy e-mail and some spam. I opened it, and the tears started flowing.

The words were everything I needed to hear at that very moment. It's been a tough day. I have felt like a terrible mother today. I have snapped and yelled. I was worn out, tired, and weary. Then this e-mail, telling me how much I mean to her, and how much she loves me. For no reason. For no special occasion. Just because she wanted me to know. Like water to desert, it filled me up.

I made myself a promise 2 years ago. I was going to say how much everyone in my life meant to me. I was going to put myself out there. I was going to say "I love you" and "You mean everything to me". I was going to forgive and love and let go.

And I did. And have since. Now everybody around me knows how much I love them, and some of them consider me a big sap....but if something were to happen to them or me, they would know. There would be nothing left unsaid. And wheter I felt silly or vulnerable or scared to put my feelings out there was secondary to knowing they knew how important they are to me.

April and I have always been honest with each other. I have told her time and again how much I love her, and she to me as well. But lately it's been hard to find time to talk. We have been missing calls. Life has intruded. Distance keeps us apart physically, work and children and husbands keep us from even speaking on the phone.

But it never changes. The love is always there. It's a constant. It does not ebb and flow. It remains. April taught me what family is. She taught me what it meant to stick by somebody. She showed me what loyalty and unconditional love and support are. She was my only family at times.

I have a point here. Well I think I do. If there is something unsaid between you and someone you love- SAY IT. Say the hard things. Say the things that hurt and heal. Forgive. Apologize. Let go.

We are not promised tomorrow, friends. Today is all we have. Make it count.