Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I can't

I make alot of excuses. I say "I can't" alot.

Mostly in regards to eating and exercise.

Truth is, I am scared to change.

I have been heavy all my life.

I have thought about my weight every hour of everyday. No exaggeration.

I have abused my body with sugar and fat. I have made excuses not to change or excel.

I have excused myself from exercise out of laziness and weakness.

And, I have reaped what I have sown.

Today I am very overweight. I am addicted to sugar. And my heart and lungs are not strong. My body is weak.

There is temptation to keep going as I am. Coast along. Keep telling myself that I have tried everything.

But I refuse. I give no sanctuary to hopelessness in my heart.


Because can't and God cannot co-exist in this fight.

And this fight is for my life. For my well being. And my spiritual growth is hung up on this one tipping point- because I can't say "I can't" when I have such a beautiful Savior to give me strength.


Today I was walking. I was at the tail end of a nearly 4 mile walk. The sun was shining bright and hot. My son was content to ride in the stroller and wiggle his toes in the sun.

And I was talking to God. About my dreams. How I am living the dream I never thought I would. Happily married. Lovely children. Good life.

And there's just this ONE thing. This addiction to sugar. This roadblack to exercise.

This word- CAN'T.

I can't give up sugar.

I can't lose weight.

I can't run.

I can't give it my all.

I can't look like a fool.

I was telling God of my dream of giving up this word, this addiction. My dream of being healthy and happy with myself.

It was as if He spoke to me, ya'll.

"My sweet girl, don't you know your dreams are MY dreams? That everything good you want for yourself, I want too?"



And okay, Lord.

It's a deal.

So today, "Can't" disappears.

Replaced with I can. I'd be glad to. I'm happy to. I will.

And with Thank you, Lord, for dreaming with me.