Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I do...promise to rewrite my vows.

I really think everyone should re-write their wedding vows after 5 years together. I've thought alot about this, actually. After five years there are pretty much no more surprises. You may have already had children- or 2, or 3, or if you are like the Duggars, 5.

And speaking of the Duggars- how is the mom always so calm? I would be in the nuthouse. Heck, I would consider the nuthouse a vaca NOW, and I only have 2. She amazes me, really.

Ahem. I digress.

Anywho. Mark and I have been married for 5 years now. Together for 10 this coming October 23rd. Our wedding vows were beautiful and meaningful, but didn't QUITE cover all bases.

So here goes:

I promise to look away when you pick your nose. I will pretend I don't see it. You can do the same when I dig in my ear and make that noise in my throat.

I promise to not point and laugh when you get out of the shower and try to look manly. You promise not to call me a teletubby when I am pregnant. Or any other time, even though the imagery is SO appropo.

I promise that I will clean the toilets with no complaining. Wait. This vow I will totally break. I will promise that I won't yell "DEAR GOD WHAT DID YOU DO IN HERE!!!" anymore. Wait. I just promise to clean the toilets. All bets are off on everything else.

I promise to carry your babies. You in turn will listen to every complaint I have with regards to this issue. Footrubs are optional. Wait. Footrubs are NOT optional.

I promise that I will love you even when you are extra hairy and have eaten fried food and beans. I may stay 10 feet from you, but I will love you from afar. Promise.

I promise to watch you with our kids and pretend I have something in my eye instead of crying because you are an AMAZING father. The best. Hands down.

I promise to tackle all of my baggage without letting too much of the fallout rain down on you.

I promise that when you point and laugh at me when I am angry, I will get out the salad tongs and go after your nether regions.

I vow to not be outwardly annoyed when you vulture over my shoulder when I cook.

I vow to try not to yell "I am NEVER cooking again!!!!" when you vulture over my shoulder. But I will be thinking it.

I promise that your heart and all of the things that hurt you will always have a soft place to fall with me. No matter what.

I promise to only throw RIPE fruit at your head. Sorry about the unripe peach. Do you need some ice?

I vow to always be there for you when you need me. Except when you have a cold. Cause that is just ridiculous. I can only listen to so much whining without my head imploding.

I promise to love your family like my own.

Lastly, I promise you that I am THRILLED that you picked me. I can't wait until we are old and wrinkled and your pants are up to your chin and my bra is tucked into my waistband. Cause you are mine, and I am yours no matter how badly we age. But I WON'T change your diapers. That's why we had kids.
And I promise, above all, to never take for granted that God saw fit to give me a good man like you. Better than I deserve, more loving than I could ever need.
You complete me.

See. Isn't that a bit more realistic? Don't get me wrong, traditional wedding vows are fantastic. But after some time together, modification is necessary.

Have a great day!